Werewolves

Tonight we shall be discussing the werewolf. The truths and lies about this misunderstood creature.
The concept of a half man half wolf or "werewolf" that we know today was created in 1972 by a baker named Robert Horton. Who concocted a story of a half man half wolf who accosted him one day when he was going to open up his bakery. People were so amazed by the story that they flocked to his bakery. Movie producers and historians were so amazed by the success this story had brought the baker that they went through their film and historical archives and changed all the names of any and all creatures or events that closely resembled the description that Robert Horton gave of the werewolf. Previously such movies as "Hairy Howlin' Herlad the Zany Drug Clerk' and 'American Students involved in mundaine activities' gained new life with werewolf-centric titles; such as 'The Wolfman' and 'American Werewolf in Paris'. As the popularity of werewolves grew so too did the mythos of the beast.
Throughout the past 30 years numerous werewolf sightings and werewolf abduction stories have popped up all over the globe. Even in some areas that don't have wolves. Because of these many stories have popped up over just what a werewolf is capable of. I will now dispell t he rumours and give you the unabashed truth on these creatures

Werewolves only change during a full moon.
This was a rumour started by the national dairy farmers association who propegated the rumour in order to boost their product sales. Claiming that a tall cool glass of 2% milk was the only thing that could stop a werewolf in its tracks. They used the 'full moon' myth because it was well known that milk sales plummeted on full moons, this is partly because of an old dairy farmers superstition; 'people won't buy milk on a full moon because they're idiots'. In actual fact werewolves can change anytime they want to.

The only thing that can stop a werewolf is a silver bullet.
This rumour was started by NASA as a way to boost interest in the space program. Claiming that Niel armstrong originally battled a werewolf on the moon. Fortunatly he had a gun with a silver bullet in it which defeated the beast. Speculating that if the vacuum of space didn't do it in then surely it was the silver bullet. People began to pay more attention to space travel hoping that the shuttle and it's crew might come into contact with a werewolf. The blockbuster hit movie 'Apollo 13' examines the defining role werewolves played in the American space program.

Werewolves don't harbour any human traits when they change.
Actually this is the complete oppostie of what actually happens. The werewolf will actually gain the most prominant human traits. Such as: the capacity to walk on its hind legs, opposable thumbs,The only traits from the wolfs side that the werewolf has is the desire to own a boat. In fact early north american indians constructed canoes for the purpose of infuriating wolves. It was known that wolves always wanted to own boats but did not have the ability or the mental capacity to create them. There is a famous indian quilt hanging in the national gallery. Depicting Indians tormenting wolves on a riverbank from the safety of their canoes.

Being bitten by a werewolf will turn you into a werewolf.
This is completely untrue. The only way to become a werewolf is to betray the trust of a mythical Gesleburtus. A wandering creature which stands over 5 feet tall and roams from town to town getting into adventures. If you cross paths with it and refues to help it or you spill something on it or betray its trust in some way. It will call up a witch that owes it a favour and the witch will curse you to become a werewolf.

Wolfsbane is the only way to break the werewolf curse.
This is again untrue. Wolfsbane doesn't actually exist. The only way to break the curse of the werewolf is to stop hanging around with people who turn into werewolves. Because they only transform to get attention. If you yourself have the curse of the werewolf but do not hang around other werewolves then simply strop transforming. Or buy a boat.

So there you have it. Everything you need to know about werewolves. Just the facts.
Thank you and goodnight.